Do you ever look up at the sky and see the wonders of space and feel like you're a burden on the world, that you're detracting from the beauty of the universe merely by existing?

Or do you oscillate between feeling unique, like you stand alone among the race of men, and feeling completely alone in the very sameness of every human being?

Sometimes among all the experiences we share and emotions we go through during this life, the most pressing is our own expendability. How little of a mark we make, how the world would largely be the same with or without you, as if the universe was merely indifferent to your very being.

You've felt this.

I've felt this.

And yet, even with how insignificant we seem when considered rationally, our Father in Heaven and his son Jesus Christ state that we are valued. That we are loved beyond reason, through the supernal reason of the divine.

In fact, "God so loved the world, that he gave his Only Begotten Son..."

Isn't that beautiful?

My Best Friend

A little more than five years ago, I was a little girl stepping into Sunday services at a church for the first time. I thought I might learn some truth there, perhaps the meaning of life (as one does when investigating a new religion), but never imagined that I'd find my best friend in the twelve year-old, slightly crazy girl chatting with the other Beehives. My stern, shy, serious self felt so isolated at the time, but this wonderful girl, Caitlyn, helped me learn to love others and have fun and grow together instead of sticking to myself.
 Now we're still little girls, only seventeen. I've grown in a lot of ways, and so has she. Her intellect is astounding, allowing a richness even to ordinary conversations. I love her for how she discusses politics and science and religion and relationships and everything else. For how she refuses to let her youth invalidate her thoughts and opinions.
I love how she wants to do a thousand different things. How she wants to understand the world through her pursuit of science, and how she wants to help illuminate the world for others by sharing what she's learned. The light in her eyes when she talks about learning is one of the most delightful things.
It's also superb to just sit and talk with her about boys or English accents or dinosaurs or heaven or whatever. To have fun and laugh and just be silly, or to compete to try to be mutually better.
I could go on and on about Caitlyn. Her compassion., her bravery, her defiance, her loyalty, her optimism and dedication.
Now she's going to do some more great things and make an even better life out at college. And she's going to rock it like the babe she is. So looking forward to sharing more adventures with her through the years.

Humoring me by acting in a production of Romeo and Juliet

YW Hike this year

At my 13th birthday party

Last time seeing each other before she left :)

I've often heard that a good guideline as to what you should wear is whether or not you'd be comfortable standing in front of the Savior in such a manner.
But imagine yourself next to the Savior right now. Imagine yourself standing in front of the Lord of all men, your Redeemer, who loves you with a love unfathomably deep. And imagine being preoccupied by what you're wearing.

Loss

On March 27th, Easter Sunday, a dear family member passed away. He left behind so many people who love him, including a wife and young children. I have lost family members before, but I was either so young or so distant from the situation that although it hurt, it did not seem devastating. As a young girl, I remember thinking I would never stop crying over my grandfather's passing, that I would live my life dedicated to his memory as everybody else slowly forgot and returned to normal life.
I do not think this now, obviously.
My cousin is a distant family member that I never had the opportunity to know well, but I was still able to realize the impact of this. I was able to realize what death means to those left behind. To my father, who lost his best friend. To his wife and his children, left alone. To his sisters, his cousins, his aunts, his father, his friends.
Nobody can say that it's fair for this man to pass.
But ultimately, it's not up to us to decide who stays and who goes.
I'm not going to write a bunch of comforting statements. When I see things like "Heaven needed another angel" my first instinct is to call it out as crap.These may be legitimate statements and I do think provide some comfort to some people, but I don't want to trivialize what death means to those of us left desolate behind.
Instead, I am suggesting that we learn to make loss a powerful spiritual experience. Whatever spiritual means to you. To me this experience has meant learning to surrender my own will to the almighty. It means learning that sometimes things happen that are unjust and unfair in our lenses but perfect in an eternal lens.

If any of you wish to help his family, please comment or email me at megiris@aol.com, or donate here: https://www.gofundme.com/3hf8jud8  They would appreciate support during this time. <3

CDC Guidelines on Alcohol

http://greatist.com/live/cdc-drinking-guidelines-women?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=daily_newsletter_2016-02-15_mails_daily_new_header

I just read the above article. If you read it before proceeding, you know that the main premise is that it's ridiculous to guide sexually active women not on birth control towards avoiding alcohol because I'm a woman and I do more than carry babies so I should be able to take intoxicating substances without guilt if I want to gosh darn it.
As you may be able to tell, I disagree.
Choices have consequences.
You have the ability to choose your consequences.
And if you're choosing to participate in something that is meant for the purpose of creating children, it is your responsibility not to endanger the potential children you could create.
You are more than just one possible role, yes. But just because you are more doesn't mean that this one potentiality doesn't exist. You are a person. You have interests. You may have work. You have feelings and emotions and individuality and personality. Maybe you feel like alcohol is important to you, I don't know. But the complexity of your humanity does not invalidate that when you become pregnant you are charged with the almost sacred responsibility of growing another human being who matters just as much as you do. Your choices could lead to a healthy human or one born with disabilities that make life completely unfair.
Don't be selfish. Don't prioritize something like alcohol over something like a human being. If you are mature enough to have sex you are mature enough to abstain from life choices that endanger your future child. You are mature enough to take birth control in order to prevent the growth of a child.
Never forget your humanity. But never forget the humanity of others either.

2015 Review

The year has come to a close and now 2016 is finally upon us.

On the 31st of January my family finished adopting Madeleine. Obviously, this was the biggest part of the year. I love her so much and am so glad to finally have a little sister to love forever. Isn't she perfect?




My big brother served a mission from April to July. So proud of him for giving his time to serve the Lord and help bring the people of Ireland to Christ. That helped strengthen my testimony in so, so many ways. The pain of having him gone made me question whether or not that sacrifice was really worth it, and this questioning led to a firm answer: yes. The gospel is true, guys. Believe it.

 



2015 saw me start a romantic relationship with somebody. That has taught me a lot and brought me so much joy, as well as stretching me as a person. Not going to write any more about that because it's pretty private, sorry.


I got a job! I teach classes for 8-12 year-olds now as well as private piano lessons. Teaching truly is what I want to do with my life. Helping people develop a love of learning is the most rewarding thing I have done so far. Is it challenging? You bet. But so worth it.


I've developed as a leader, as well. As the YW president in my ward I have had to step and actually participate and actively try to help all of my girls. This involves showing up to random church activities that I would much rather skip, but still worth it. I've developed friendships and made some changes in how I approach relationships.

I've failed classes in school, but I have also started to truly love learning like never before. I look at the world in a more mature way. I see my weaknesses, and know how to start fixing them. I can hold myself accountable. This last year of schooling has definitely been the best yet. And this next semester will be better. Because I will be better.

Last year I messed up in a lot of ways, but I lived. Ultimately, that's all I can ask for. I experienced a vast range of emotions and developed a greater capacity for loving and thinking. I became more mature, while learning to have fun and laugh at myself. 2016 will only be better.