Sin No More

 John 8 begins with a familiar story of Jesus' ministry:

"8 Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.

2 And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.

3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.

7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.

9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."

Have you ever wondered what this woman did with the rest of her life? How does a person touched so personally by the Savior live the rest of their life? Did she devote herself to the ministry of Christ? Did she share her experience, or did she "treasure these things up in her heart" privately?

I have been changed by the Savior's infinite grace. Yes, I struggle with the "sin no more" part. But I am trying, and I pray to God that I can help somebody else come closer to Him through my words, my actions, my life.

How have you been changed?

Blessed Are The Peacemakers

 One of the most famous verses of scripture says this: "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God." As I was reading from the Gospels this morning, I was struck by how applicable this is to parenting. As a mother, all I do is make peace! I make peace by negotiating conflicts between my daughter and other people/objects, keeping my home, and teaching my family the gospel.

Amelia lives in a state of constant turbulence. Sometimes the opponent is a stray toy (ask me about her toy shopping cart accident that almost ended in an emergency room trip. Sometimes the problem is our very reactive rat terrier. Other times, I find myself making peace between her and Joseph as she dumps water on the floor for the sixth time that hour. Most times, it's frustrating. But I've had to learn to put that aside and learn how to communicate with people/animals who are under stress. 

I've also noticed that my and my husband's efforts to keep our home tidy and our lives organized increase the feeling of peace in our home. A few weeks ago we started holding Family Home Evenings centered on how to finally get our home tidy. We've been making (imperfect) progress since, and I feel like my mental health and ability to relate peacefully to my family have increased. I even see the impact on our toddler, as she generally seems less prone to tantrums. It's amazing the difference being able to walk through the living room without tripping makes. I'm delighted every time I eat and can actually find a clean plate! The time I spend teaching Amelia to clean is so worth it. The time Joseph and I spend cleaning up after after she's asleep is time spent promoting peace in our home.

The most important way I make peace in the home is teaching my family. Joseph and I try to read scriptures as a family during breakfast every morning. We hold family home evenings together. We sing hymns throughout the day, and Amelia kindly reminds us to pray several times a day. A typical meal involves at least three prayers initiated by our very eager 18-month-old. My mom got us a set of beautiful board books to help us teach scripture stories to our little ones as well. The gospel is the ultimate source of peace, and it's crucial to me that we have an immersive home culture. The world will never stop pushing our children the wrong way; it's up to us to keep pushing forward in Christ. 

I feel like I've been more reflective of Heavenly Father as I have pursue peacemaking in the home. My divine heritage shines more brightly as I try to cultivate the peace of the Holy Spirit in the place that matter most. What experiences have you had with peacemaking recently?

(Early) Return With Honor: Missionaries and COVID-19

COVID-19 is affecting much of the world, and missionaries are no exception. Missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints  from countries around the globe are being sent home or assigned to different missions. Early on March 21st, a Saturday, a group of more than ten young men in the iconic white shirts and ties returned to the Salt Lake City International airport from Madagascar. Three of these young missionaries shared their experience and feelings regarding the unexpected change to their mission plans. Elder Cottle from Virginia, Elder Maguet from Kentucky and Elder Wehner from Indiana stopped at at Salt Lake City International on their way to Fort Worth-Dallas and eventually home.

COVID-19 is a recent problem for Madagascar. The missionaries spent about a week making preparations for the possibility of an outbreak, despite no confirmed cases on the island. Then, the church evacuated every missionary from the island. Elder Maguet said, "When we left Madagascar two days ago, there was no coronavirus. So when all church meetings were cancelled last week, it was difficult to explain to people why church was cancelled. We said it was because of coronavirus, but people were confused because there was no coronavirus in Madagascar at that time."

The first case of COVID-19 on Madagascar was confirmed only the day before this interview, on March 20th.

Some missionaries are being reassigned to other missions, while others are being sent home early, having completed their missions. A mission is a profound experience for Latter-day Saints. Each missionary has a different reaction to these changes. Elder Maguet said, "I'm ok now. When I first found out I was sad that I had to leave three months early, because I knew I probably wouldn't ever be coming back to Madagascar." 

Elder Cottle returned home six months before his expected return date: "It hasn't really sunk in yet, I think. I was really sad about it at first for sure. ... I was really hoping to spend those six months in Madagascar, but I'm really excited to see my family."

Elder Wehner expects to be reassigned. After a few months serving elsewhere, he received his visa and served nine months in Madgascar. He said, "It's really weird because when you go on a mission, you know that you're going to go and serve for two years. ... I've been on my mission for about fourteen months. And knowing that I have this ... problem in the middle of my mission, and coming home and having to see my family and all that, I don't know. It's a little bit different than a typical missionary would expect."

Each missionary shared insights relating to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' reaction to and preparation for the recent pandemic. The church recently suspended church meetings across the globe. Elder Maguet said, "It was really hard to explain and help [people] understand that this is a worldwide church led by the prophet, and that everything we do is by revelation. But I feel like that did help them understand, maybe, more about modern prophets and apostles ... even though there was no coronavirus there at the time. ... Like I mentioned, they didn't really understand why there was no church at first, but the district president ... said you just have to obey. It came from the prophet, so we can't figure out ways to get around it and figure out loopholes, we just have to obey even though it doesn't seem applicable for us."

Elder Wehner shared thoughts on other changes the church has enacted within the last couple years, such as a home-based church curriculum and individualized "ministering" assignments: "It's really nice to know that several years ago the prophet said to have us do ministering ...and now there's a huge push  for ministering and a huge push for these other things outside of church that will help ... Madagascar ... since there's not a lot of church there.

Although formal missionary work faces limitations at the moment, the work of the Lord continues. The three missionaries agreed that member work is the greatest way to support missionaries during these times. Elder Maguet said, "Members could ... ask the missionaries how they need help on Sundays. Maybe invite people to your house to have some sort of study of Come Follow Me. ... The people that are going to be helping people look into the church are the members, that are gonna stay there no matter what. That makes all the difference." Elder Wehner supported this statement, saying, "One thing that  ... members should do is ... go out and teach their friends the church. We always pray for member support."

How Daniel Interpreted Dreams

Last week I read about Joseph of Egypt's interpretation of dreams. I learned that he looked at symbolism with spiritual eyes, and relied on the power of God rather than of men or devils. This week I read about Daniel-- specifically his interpretation of two dreams of Nebuchadnezzar. Daniel's behavior in both instances is similar.
In the first passage, Nebuchadnezzar had a dream, but forgot what he had dreamed. He commanded all of his magicians to not only interpret his dream, but remember it for him (or die!). None of his magicians were able to. In order to save the lives of himself, his friends and the magicians, Daniel offered to discover and interpret the king's dream.
The night before he met with the king, Daniel prayed. Interestingly, he didn't only pray alone, but also with his friends. After praying, he slept and received the king's dream in a dream himself:
"Thou, O king, sawest, and behold a great image. This great image, whose brightness was excellent, stood before thee; and the form thereof was terrible. This image’s head was of fine gold, his breast and his arms of silver, his belly and his thighs of brass, his legs of iron, his feet part of iron and part of clay. Thou sawest till that a stone was cut out without hands, which smote the image upon his feet that were of iron and clay, and brake them to pieces. Then was the iron, the clay, the brass, the silver, and the gold, broken to pieces together, and became like the chaff of the summer threshing floors; and the wind carried them away, that no place was found for them: and the stone that smote the image became a great mountain, and filled the whole earth."
In the morning, he went to the king and interpreted the dream. Before offering the interpretation, however, he acknowledged the source of his interpretation to the king and the wise men:
"The secret which the king hath demanded cannot the wise men, the astrologers, the magicians, the soothsayers, shew unto the king; but there is a God in heaven that revealeth secrets…"
He also explained the reason why the secret was revealed:
"But as for me, this secret is not revealed to me for any wisdom that I have more than any living, but for their sakes that shall make known the interpretation to the king, and that thou mightest know the thoughts of thy heart."
Daniel then explained that the dream represented the kingdoms of the earth. At the last days, the great and the lesser kingdoms would all be swept away by the power of the Lord. Nebuchadnezzar accepted his interpretation and praised Daniel.
The second dream Nebuchadnezzar had (of the tree) had similar lessons. Daniel's example of interpretation in both instances taught key lessons that are applicable as we strive to interpret dreams. Daniel remained humble through the whole process. He acknowledged that he had no power to know the dream, let alone interpret it. He gave thanks to God. He directed others to know God. We need to strive for this same humility and gratitude.
He also had righteous intentions. Rather than idly wondering about the dream, he wanted to save his life and the lives of his friends. As we seek revelation, it's important to examine our intentions: do we seek revelation to sate curiosity, or for real improvement?
Daniel interpreted Nebuchadnezzar's dreams without fear. In the first dream, he prophesied of the downfall of the king's empire. In the second, he prophesied that the king would become mad. Yet he spoke boldly. The Spirit of the Lord spoke to him, and he believed.

As we humbly seek to receive revelation for righteous purposes, without fear of persecution, the Lord will make his mysteries known.

The great image from Nebuchadnezzar's dream

How Joseph Interpreted Dreams

Joseph of Egypt is known for many things-- his coat, being sold into slavery, saving an entire people. He's also unique in his ability to interpret dreams This spiritual gift is particularly striking because of the consequences: for Joseph himself, he gained comfort and assurance that he had been chosen of God. The butler and the baker learned of their fates as they waited anxiously in prison. The Pharoah, and consequently Egypt and surrounding peoples, were saved from a great famine.
This morning I read through each dream Joseph interpreted, in order to understand how he was able to interpret these dreams.
In chapter 37 of Genesis, Joseph interpreted two of his own dreams to his brothers and his father. He described them this way:
"Hear, I pray you, this dream which I have dreamed: for, behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and, lo, my sheaf arose, and also stood upright; and, behold, your sheaves stood round about, and made obeisance to my sheaf. ... Behold, I have dreamed a dream more; and, behold, the sun and the moon and the eleven stars made obeisance to me."
His interpretation of these dreams was that his brothers and his parents would someday bow down to him.
In chapter 40 of Genesis, Joseph was in prison, watching over Pharaoh's former butler and baker. Joseph asked why the butler and the baker were sad. The butler told him of a dream that he had:
"In my dream, behold, a vine was before me; and in the vine were three branches: and it was as though it budded, and her blossoms shot forth; and the clusters thereof brought forth ripe grapes: and Pharaoh’s cup was in my hand: and I took the grapes, and pressed them into Pharaoh’s cup, and I gave the cup into Pharaoh’s hand."
Joseph understood that the three branches stood for three days, and that at the end of three days the butler would be restored to serving Pharaoh. The baker, on hearing Joseph's interpretation, felt encouraged to tell of a dream he had had the same night:
"I also was in my dream, and, behold, I had three white baskets on my head: and in the uppermost basket there was of all manner of bakemeats for Pharaoh; and the birds did eat them out of the basket upon my head."
Joseph told the baker that the three white baskets also stood for three days. However, instead of being restored, the poor baker would be hanged at the end of three days.
In the next chapter, two years have passed. Joseph was still in prison. Meanwhile, Pharaoh had a couple of disturbing dreams which his magicians could not interpret:
"Pharaoh dreamed: and, behold, he stood by the river. And, behold, there came up out of the river seven well favoured kine and fatfleshed; and they fed in a meadow. And, behold, seven other kine came up after them out of the river, ill favoured and leanfleshed; and stood by the other kine upon the brink of the river. And the ill favoured and leanfleshed kine did eat up the seven well favoured and fat kine. .... Behold, seven ears of corn came up upon one stalk, rank and good. And, behold, seven thin ears and blasted with the east wind sprung up after them. And the seven thin ears devoured the seven rank and full ears."
After the failure of his magicians, the butler, whose dream Joseph interpreted, remembered to tell Pharaoh that Joseph had power to interpret dreams. Pharaoh called Joseph out of prison.
Joseph then told Pharaoh that both his dreams meant that Egypt would experience seven years of plenty, followed by seven years of famine.
All of Joseph's interpretations would have been impossible if he had understood each item literally. Only through spiritual eyes could he understand dreams. His willingness to see metaphors through the Spirit of God allowed him to make sense out of dreams that would otherwise simply be disturbing or curious. He also saw the value of numbers in dreams.
Another key element is Joseph's acknowledgment of the true power. Pharaoh's magicians were unable to interpret his dreams. "Magicians" today, or people who seek to use spiritual powers other than the Holy Spirit, seek to explain our dreams. Whether their interpretations are accurate or not, the dangers of listening to such sources far outweigh any curiosity. Joseph, however, didn't 'lean unto his own understanding' or mysticism. When speaking with the butler and the baker, Joseph asked, "Do not interpretations belong to God?" He wouldn't interpret for Pharaoh without clarifying,  "It is not in me: God shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace."
Our Father in Heaven still gives revelation to those who seek it. In order to understand his words, we need to have his Holy Spirit to help us understand and have 'eyes to see' the visions he bestows. Dreams can be unsettling, pleasant or simply strange. Through the Spirit, dreams can be transformative.

Our Birth Story

On August 10th, 2019, my husband and I attended stake conference. Being almost 40 weeks pregnant at the time, my mother encouraged me to skip church and just stay home. However, I decided to go. Labor felt distant, and I wanted to make the most of my last couple of baby-free weeks.

After conference I asked Joseph if we could have a special date night, so we picked up a s'mores cake and went to Alfy's for margherita pizza. As soon as I finished eating dinner I experienced an intense contraction accompanied by a distinct "pop" in my lower abdomen. Clearly, the daughter in my womb enjoyed the pizza as well.

Joseph asked if I was okay. I told him that I was fine, because I didn't feel any liquid so my water must not have broken. Immediately, I felt the trickle. We immediately checked the time (a couple minutes before 9) and headed home. I texted my mom and my sister, Kelsey, so they could get ready to head to the hospital, and called triage. All midwives were busy attending to other births, so I was told to call back.
Even though I knew that I should immediately go to the hospital after my water broke, I wanted to go home! I didn't want to sit at the hospital. I wanted to do laundry, brush my teeth, grab my hospital bag and relax. By the time I got home the contractions were more painful, so Joseph did laundry. I made it to everything else on my list though! We even started watching Mary Poppins. I called triage two more times, and finally I was told to head out immediately. Joseph drove me, and Kelsey and Mom followed shortly.
On the way to the hospital, I stopped at my bishop's house for a priesthood blessing. The Lord promised me that I would be strengthened and know what I needed to do to deliver my child. By this point contractions were 3-5 minutes apart, and I was having a hard time focusing on anything else.

We arrived at Providence Hospital around midnight. After checking in, a nurse took a sample of amniotic fluid for testing. Joseph and I waited in a little curtain-drawn room for about an hour. Contractions were still consistent. Before the nurse came back I had to go to the bathroom to vomit. I had trouble making the short distance back to the room. Finally the nurse came back to confirm that yes, I was in active labor! The nurse inserted an IV. Three times she stuck the tube into my wrist, but only the final try was she able to make it into a viable vein. Then we were able to join my mother and sister in a full room to continue laboring.
When I considered my birth plan, I had planned to stay moving. I wanted to move around the room, try laboring in different positions and above all avoid laboring lying down on a bed. I told myself and my husband that I wanted no medications. I'd hoped to rely on breathing, prayer and my husband holding my hand and rubbing my back. I hadn't realized three key things: I would be attached to some hospital machine, the pain would be so intense and I absolutely would not want my husband touching me.
After yelling at my sweet Joseph, I ended up getting medication and an epidural.
The anesthesiologist began my epidural in between contractions. I sat slouched in the hospital bed, trying to maintain exact posture in order for the needle to be placed safely and effectively. In the middle of the injection, I had another particularly bad contraction.
Shortly after, I fell asleep and drifted in and out of consciousness for the next few hours. Occasionally I'd wake up, talk to my family briefly and go back to sleep.
Around 7:30 Sunday morning I started feeling pressure in my pelvic floor. At first I thought my catheter had somehow shifted, and asked a nurse to check. She said everything was fine. I kept feeling pressure, and decided maybe I needed to poop. By this point I was not only wired up to machinery, but completely unable to use my legs, so I asked for a nurse. When she arrived, the nurse told me that the sensation of needing to poop typically means it's time to push. Then I waited for a midwife.
A few minutes feels much longer when you're resisting the need to deliver your child. That being said, a few minutes later the midwife, Sarah, came. With confidence, a friendly attitude and a heavy Australian accent she taught me how to push. As I pushed, Sarah asked a nurse to bring over a mirror so I could see baby emerge. At 8:33 on August 11th Amelia arrived. She was a deep blue. As Sarah helped me catch her and bring her to my chest, her color evened out.
Joseph cut the cord that had connected us for nine long months.
I cried. None of last night's misery mattered any more, because I finally had Amelia in my arms. I didn't care that the birth hadn't gone according to my plans; despite the changes, Joseph and I finally had our daughter.
The next several weeks were a struggle. For weeks, I couldn't walk without pain and heaviness. I was anxious every time I had to use the restroom. My arms were bruised where the IV had been inserted so many times. Even though I expected breastfeeding to come naturally, it took actual work for me and Millie to learn how to work together. But Joseph, Amelia and I worked things out. My family was there to help with everything. Joseph's family came to meet Amelia when she was only four weeks old.
Six months later, we're still learning, but our struggles are completely different. During pregnancy, I was sick and exhausted. Postpartum, I was in pain, learning to take care of Millie's basic needs, and exhausted. Now, I'm trying to sleep train her, keep her from injuring herself with her newfound mobility, and am (still!) exhausted.
Amelia is a light in our lives. She's a joy to everyone she meets. Birth was the hardest experience of my life, but every minute led to holding Amelia in our arms. It led to kisses, snuggles, new baby laughs and smiles. I wouldn't change a thing.

This Moment

"I was born in the wrong time."
"Don't you wish we could go back to the good old days?"
I've heard variants of these phrases too many times to count, from people old and young. The past is enchanting, seemingly simpler and better than our current state.
But what about right now?
The moment you are living right now will never come again.
I am sitting in my apartment, writing. My family and I worshiped in church this morning. Our neighbors exchanged simple gifts with us this afternoon. My daughter ate some banana for the first time. Now I'm sitting next to my husband, while our daughter sleeps in the other room. He's researching emergency preparedness, and we cherish this quiet moment.
The world is a different place now, and in some ways it's scarier than ever before. In many ways it's much brighter. I'm not here to compare eras; I'm here to thank the Lord I'm alive at this time in history.
When we focus on the past, we let today's blessings pass by without even a glance. Opportunities to improve our own lives and the lives of others are lost. 
I am alive. I am blessed. I face my challenges the same way people in every time have faced their challenges: with grit.
How will you face yours?