My Missionary

My friend Charity just left on her mission. I miss her so, so much already even though she just left this morning. It seems different than when she went to college even. I guess it could just be that she's leaving for a full year and a half, and that two of my other friends and my brother are either gone or getting ready to leave, too.
Charity is a really, really wonderful person. I am incredibly proud of her for choosing to spend this portion of her life sharing the gospel and helping others have the happiness that the gospel brings. Alabama is so lucky to have her.
Pretty much, she's going to be the best missionary. She's already been one of the best friends, teachers, and (kind of) sisters. She will change the world.

Standing As An Everyday Witness

"We will 'stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places'..."  Every week I recite the Young Women Theme. I promise to be a witness of God, always. Not just in church. Not just at home, or school, or special occasions. Always.
So, how can I do that? How can I be his witness? I have a list, and some of these things include listening to people, reaching out to those who are lonely or hurting, serving, being cheerful, being modest in action and language, and just being a good person. Above all of these wonderful things, I have chosen to work most actively on talking about God more often.
See, talking about my feelings is difficult sometimes. It's easier with bearing testimony of the gospel than with emotions, but sometimes it is still difficult to bear witness of the reality of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior. I know that they live, and that they love us. I know that completely. It just seems awkward to bring up. Like, imagine this conversation:
"Hey, what's up?"
"God is up. Here, have some scriptures. And come to church. Also, be baptized while you're at it."
It just wouldn't work very well. It's also a pretty good way to make people uncomfortable around you, and probably isolate yourself from many friends/acquaintances.
So, I just try to turn people to God when they need advice, or when an opportunity occurs. This conversation is much better:
"What should I do?"
"I would suggest praying to Heavenly Father. This is a tough situation, and I really don't know how to handle it, but He does."
Or,
"Wow! The sunrise is so beautiful!"
"Isn't it? God sure knew what he was doing when he made our earth."

Just little things. They really don't take that much effort, and I feel like talking of them is the least we can do thank Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for all that they've done for us.

Annabelle and Izabelle

I have two baby sisters now. Annabelle turned one year old last week, and Izabelle is just a couple of weeks old. I never thought I would have any baby sisters and had been forced to accept my position as one of the 'littles' in the family. Not anymore. Now I can be a big sister to my little baby girls, and hopefully help them be strong as they grow up and get hurt. I don't want them to be hurt ever, but I know that it's going to happen.
I want my baby sisters to grow up kind, gentle, loving, strong, joyful, intelligent, optimistic, brave, and faithful. I can see that they're meant to be so beautiful. They are already. It's so hard, though, when people are mean and things don't work out the way we want.
Annabelle is so bright. Joy just shines out of her and lights up everybody who happens to be near her. She is so intelligent, persistent, and loving. It doesn't hurt that she is really good at snuggling, too. And she happens to like me, which is always a plus.
I don't know Izabelle very well yet, because she just came home a couple of days ago. But I have every confidence that she is just as beautiful as Annabelle. Already she's proven that she is particularly excellent at making funny faces, which I am very fond of.
I love my babies. <3

My Future

Last Monday my Personal Leadership class learned about dating and marriage. I have no idea why we learned about that, but it was fun anyway. As part of this we went over what we want in our spouse, marriage/family, and how we want to live.  I've kind of gone over this before on this blog, but something else that happened made me feel like I should again.
Anyway, I want a husband who I respect and who respects me. That really is all I need. In addition, though, I want to be able to change along with him, to grow and be able to develop instead of feeling pressure to always be exactly the same. I want somebody who is joyful. I want somebody to have adventures with. I want somebody who isn't perfect, but is working on it and healing. I want somebody who I can help.
I want my marriage and family to be based on service. I want us to trust each other deeply. I want us to laugh together. I want us to teach each other and learn together. I want us to all look towards Christ for direction in everything. I want us to have reason to love each other.
On a more personal level, I want to live my life based on values rather than things. I want to make time for what really matters, like the gospel, friends/family, and reflection. I want to have such inner peace that I can't possibly have outer conflict.
Just thinking about living this way makes me feel like I actually have somewhere to go. I have a purpose. I know what I want to do. I know what I want to be. I just have a lot of work to do in order to get there.

Stake Dance

Last Saturday I went to a church dance, like I do every month. I was able to think about quite a few things while I was out, and I think they're important enough to share.
First, how awesome it is when people are kind and friendly. My friend Brenden held doors for me and helped make me feel better about the general situation of having to wait out slow dances when guys wouldn't ask me. My friend Dallin and another wonderful person came and escorted me to their group when they saw me standing alone. Dallin also got me from the other room, just to dance with him because I was alone. Xavier stopped by to smile and say something, and it just made my whole evening. This group of girls I don't know stopped to introduce themselves and make sure I was okay, because my face sometimes looks really sad/lonely/angry (which is usually a problem at social events.) Danielle said hi. A few people smiled. Everybody who danced with me was just really kind. Ethan promised to teach me about his business class next time I see him. If any of you are reading this, thank you so much for being great.
Second, I learned about how focusing on self brings less happiness. Being at dances is always slightly uncomfortable, especially when most of my friends don't show up. Most of the time I was by myself, not really sure what I should do. I didn't want to go hang out with my friends for various reasons, and some of the attempts at being with strangers went very badly. So, when I thought about my own situation I felt pretty awful. When I made up stories and such in my head I was happier. When I took time to try to be kind to other people I was happiest.
I tried out helping other people after seeing this picture of Jesus in the hallway:

Jesus served people. I shouldn't be so selfish and avoid serving people just because it's a little uncomfortable sometimes. I wasn't able to do very much, but the little I did do hopefully helped them to feel a little happier.

The last thing I can remember really thinking about was how every person there was feeling some sort of pain. I don't know anything about most of them, but it's there. And we all can heal each other. It's our responsibility as brothers and sisters to try to help as much as we can.

There were a few miscellaneous things that I thought about, too. Like how awkward it was to be made to put on a tank top because my dress was too low cut, how to make conversation, and how to stop staring at people. I think I covered the main points, though.

Choose Wisely

 It's been said that we become the five people who we spend the most time with. I've been thinking about this for a while. I'm pretty content with who I spend my time with, as far as my family and friends go. But I'm not entirely sure about everything else I do.
Take music, for instance. Do I really want to be like Avenged Sevenfold? Or Taylor Swift? Elvis Presley? Not really, yet I spend so much of my time with them.
Or social media. I really, really don't want to be a collection of random, silly things from Pinterest or Facebook. I realized this a while ago and cut down on my use of them, but I still don't think they need to be as big a part of my life as they are.
Also, I don't spend nearly as long as I should with the great men and women of the ages. Pretty much I work on school, and then my brain's so tired that I don't do any more. But that isn't an excuse. I just need to try harder, because I want my life to be great. Not mediocre.

Anyway, it's just something to start thinking about. Maybe you need to change something, too. It's always worth examining. 

Conflict

I have an amazing friend. His name is Dallin, and he is one of the best people I know. Sometimes he says some of the wisest things I have ever heard, and this post is about one of those things that he told me a few days ago.
It was about revenge. I am going to give a summary here, but not explain it too much. He explained much better than I could.
Basically, when we get into conflicts we want to come out on top by tearing others down. That is exactly how Satan wants us to feel. He wants us to take satisfaction in tearing down and destroying others. That's pretty twisted.
When this happens, we need to step outside of ourselves and try to calm down so we can accurately see the situation. In the heat of the moment we don't usually see things clearly. We need to calm down and think about how both parties can be happy.

Now, this alone has been incredibly beneficial for me. Let's take it one step further, though.
Sometimes, Satan sends us lies about ourselves. He wants us to destroy and tear down ourselves.
Scary, huh? It is so much easier to think these things about ourselves, and even for some people to physically harm themselves. We have to put up with ourselves constantly, and we know all the darkest parts of our souls.
I earnestly entreat you not to listen to Satan. Be patient and kind with yourself. Don't hurt yourself. You are truly a beautiful creation of the Almighty, even if you do not feel like it. You deserve love. You really do.