Friday, June 9, 2017

When I look inward,
down to my very depths
I see a vast ocean of greatness,
molded from the eternities.
Vast hidden waves well up, meeting no shore
amid the infinity of my being.
I am powerful. I am great.
And I am terrified.
Looking down from my lofty heights
I see the world,
and I will change it.
Like clay in the hand of a sculptor,
I will mold the masses of the world
into a more perfect order.
Humanity is an inconvenience,
Merely tying me down
To the surreal normalcy of life,
Holding me back from destiny,
Keeping me in the lower realm,
Damning me to dwell amid mortality.
Universes melt before me,
Leaving mere vapors where before stood empires.
Mighty, powerful, admirable in their own way
but nothing before the immensity of my soul.
Races bow down in my presence,
the billions of the earth kneel,
feeling the power of my spirit.
Many souls are absorbed into mine,
attracted to a kindred and mighty aura.
And when I rise, nothing will stop me.
I will destroy what comes into my heart,
leaving a vast and majestic loneliness.
Nothing else remains.
No opposition rises against my reign.
In all the universe, just one thing remains;
the infinity of my soul
amid the drowned destruction of eternity.
My ocean has overcome all.
My waves have come crashing down.
I am powerful. I am great.
And I stand terrified before the reality of my own self.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

 As years pass, I grow more complacent. The fire in my heart dims, and my dreams of making a difference and leaving a mark fade. Rather, my dreams become more conventional. Go to college, work at the first available retail store, rent an apartment, marry the most convenient man. Have children someday, and raise them in a quiet American town.These things are lovely, and my ambitions include at least a couple. But don't most of us long for more? Most children live more enthusiastically and vibrantly than most adults I know.
A wise mentor once told me that "moderation in all things" is a terrible, terrible way to live. He memorably suggested moderate fidelity to a spouse. "My husband won't be hurt if I flirt with just a couple guys, or if I kiss my friend, it's not sex anyway..."
Do I want marriage? Yes, but only intentional, vibrant, all-in marriage where my husband and I can find freedom in the very depth of our commitment. I want a marriage that is, in itself, an act of rebellion towards a society which devalues family. As a wife, I want to give myself completely to a man whom I can not only love, but respect. He has to be a man I admire, and with whom I can bravely look forward to eternity.
Among the greatest desires of my heart is a home to keep and a family to raise. I have no idea what this home may look like or where it may be, but I do know it will be excellent. The Spirit of God will dwell and direct our paths as a family. My husband and I will prioritize our family in faith, rather than being "moderately invested" as parents, coming to Christ together. My home will be orderly and filled with the Spirit of God, as a 'holy place' in which to dwell.
I also have a desire for education. Development of character and ability is among the highest, most sacred callings and I choose to answer by steadfastly seeking after what is noble, true and praiseworthy. My soul yearns to minister to those who have less, by feeding the hungry and freeing the captive. I will help those in prison make a better, more joyful life. Mentoring youth has always called me. I want to see more of the world, to have adventures and to see the vastness of this one planet that God created. As a journalist, I will find and share truth, providing my countrymen with the information needed to make independent judgments and come together to improve this nation. In all of these pursuits I wish to become, passionate, empathetic, elegant, joyous and courageous. I wish to create beauty in the world through living my faith and serving others.
Because I wish to do this, I will. I will hold onto my dreams and make them a reality. Life is what you make of it; make something that matters.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Do you ever look up at the sky and see the wonders of space and feel like you're a burden on the world, that you're detracting from the beauty of the universe merely by existing?

Or do you oscillate between feeling unique, like you stand alone among the race of men, and feeling completely alone in the very sameness of every human being?

Sometimes among all the experiences we share and emotions we go through during this life, the most pressing is our own expendability. How little of a mark we make, how the world would largely be the same with or without you, as if the universe was merely indifferent to your very being.

You've felt this.

I've felt this.

And yet, even with how insignificant we seem when considered rationally, our Father in Heaven and his son Jesus Christ state that we are valued. That we are loved beyond reason, through the supernal reason of the divine.

In fact, "God so loved the world, that he gave his Only Begotten Son..."

Isn't that beautiful?

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

My Best Friend

A little more than five years ago, I was a little girl stepping into Sunday services at a church for the first time. I thought I might learn some truth there, perhaps the meaning of life (as one does when investigating a new religion), but never imagined that I'd find my best friend in the twelve year-old, slightly crazy girl chatting with the other Beehives. My stern, shy, serious self felt so isolated at the time, but this wonderful girl, Caitlyn, helped me learn to love others and have fun and grow together instead of sticking to myself.
 Now we're still little girls, only seventeen. I've grown in a lot of ways, and so has she. Her intellect is astounding, allowing a richness even to ordinary conversations. I love her for how she discusses politics and science and religion and relationships and everything else. For how she refuses to let her youth invalidate her thoughts and opinions.
I love how she wants to do a thousand different things. How she wants to understand the world through her pursuit of science, and how she wants to help illuminate the world for others by sharing what she's learned. The light in her eyes when she talks about learning is one of the most delightful things.
It's also superb to just sit and talk with her about boys or English accents or dinosaurs or heaven or whatever. To have fun and laugh and just be silly, or to compete to try to be mutually better.
I could go on and on about Caitlyn. Her compassion., her bravery, her defiance, her loyalty, her optimism and dedication.
Now she's going to do some more great things and make an even better life out at college. And she's going to rock it like the babe she is. So looking forward to sharing more adventures with her through the years.

Humoring me by acting in a production of Romeo and Juliet
YW Hike this year
At my 13th birthday party
Last time seeing each other before she left :)





Thursday, September 15, 2016

I've often heard that a good guideline as to what you should wear is whether or not you'd be comfortable standing in front of the Savior in such a manner.
But imagine yourself next to the Savior right now. Imagine yourself standing in front of the Lord of all men, your Redeemer, who loves you with a love unfathomably deep. And imagine being preoccupied by what you're wearing.

Monday, April 4, 2016

Loss

On March 27th, Easter Sunday, a dear family member passed away. He left behind so many people who love him, including a wife and young children. I have lost family members before, but I was either so young or so distant from the situation that although it hurt, it did not seem devastating. As a young girl, I remember thinking I would never stop crying over my grandfather's passing, that I would live my life dedicated to his memory as everybody else slowly forgot and returned to normal life.
I do not think this now, obviously.
My cousin is a distant family member that I never had the opportunity to know well, but I was still able to realize the impact of this. I was able to realize what death means to those left behind. To my father, who lost his best friend. To his wife and his children, left alone. To his sisters, his cousins, his aunts, his father, his friends.
Nobody can say that it's fair for this man to pass.
But ultimately, it's not up to us to decide who stays and who goes.
I'm not going to write a bunch of comforting statements. When I see things like "Heaven needed another angel" my first instinct is to call it out as crap.These may be legitimate statements and I do think provide some comfort to some people, but I don't want to trivialize what death means to those of us left desolate behind.
Instead, I am suggesting that we learn to make loss a powerful spiritual experience. Whatever spiritual means to you. To me this experience has meant learning to surrender my own will to the almighty. It means learning that sometimes things happen that are unjust and unfair in our lenses but perfect in an eternal lens.



If any of you wish to help his family, please comment or email me at megiris@aol.com, or donate here: https://www.gofundme.com/3hf8jud8  They would appreciate support during this time. <3

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

CDC Guidelines on Alcohol

http://greatist.com/live/cdc-drinking-guidelines-women?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=daily_newsletter_2016-02-15_mails_daily_new_header

I just read the above article. If you read it before proceeding, you know that the main premise is that it's ridiculous to guide sexually active women not on birth control towards avoiding alcohol because I'm a woman and I do more than carry babies so I should be able to take intoxicating substances without guilt if I want to gosh darn it.
As you may be able to tell, I disagree.
Choices have consequences.
You have the ability to choose your consequences.
And if you're choosing to participate in something that is meant for the purpose of creating children, it is your responsibility not to endanger the potential children you could create.
You are more than just one possible role, yes. But just because you are more doesn't mean that this one potentiality doesn't exist. You are a person. You have interests. You may have work. You have feelings and emotions and individuality and personality. Maybe you feel like alcohol is important to you, I don't know. But the complexity of your humanity does not invalidate that when you become pregnant you are charged with the almost sacred responsibility of growing another human being who matters just as much as you do. Your choices could lead to a healthy human or one born with disabilities that make life completely unfair.
Don't be selfish. Don't prioritize something like alcohol over something like a human being. If you are mature enough to have sex you are mature enough to abstain from life choices that endanger your future child. You are mature enough to take birth control in order to prevent the growth of a child.
Never forget your humanity. But never forget the humanity of others either.