I have a lot of work to do on some things, particularly actually trying new things that I am uncomfortable with. I really do want to, and I have an ideal to try to live. I just do not follow through with my ideal very well yet.
Last Thursday I had the chance to go start learning kickboxing with Xavier. I was thrilled to spend some time with him and was fairly excited to have an opportunity to learn kickboxing (because really, that just sounds awesome). I finally got there, and realized just how much I had been dreading actually learning this. See, not only had I never seen anybody kickboxing in my whole life (unless you count Miss Congeniality), but I'm not even a very athletic person. So I got there and tried for about two seconds. Yep. Pretty major fail right there. I realized that my being there was taking away from Xavier's practice time because he would have to teach me, and that combined with my being afraid of doing things wrong was pretty overwhelming.
I should have just done my best.
That is exactly what I should do every time.
I have already decided that I want my whole life to be dedicated to doing things that I find embarrassing and scary, because I want to really live and this is the best way to do that. I just need to improve my commitment to living it.
I have some plans for things to do. Today is a good day to get started.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Friday, January 16, 2015
What A Beautiful World
This is a picture of what Facebook showed me in the 'trending' area today:
It's not particularly edifying. It ranges from the horrifying (like the mother who attempted to kill her kids by poisoning them), to the simply not important (like a man combining a PS4 and an Xbox One into one console). I appreciate that some of these things are important to know about. We need to recognize what goes on in our world. But can't there be a little more emphasis on the good in the world? It seems that news today is almost always negative. Sometimes we hear about something wonderful happening, but usually not nearly as much.
I refuse to believe that it's because only bad stuff is happening. That does not make sense at all. I know that people are good in general. So, it only makes sense that it is because bad things are out of the ordinary. Doesn't that just make you look at the world so much more cheerfully? Sometimes it is much too easy to be sad about the world, or at the very least tired of dealing with the things that happen. It is much too easy to ignore all the wonderful things that happen.
To combat this, I intend to blog about something beautiful in the world at least once a week. It will change my own paradigm about the world, and hopefully yours as well. I think that's what this blog is really about, anyway.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Sixteen
I had a birthday yesterday, and have since been thinking about what I want to do with myself. Some people use January 1st as a day to realign their lives and evaluate their past, but I personally find birthdays to be better for that. So, their January 1st is my January 11th.
I just want to be happier as a 16 year-old. Not the kind of happy that denies the presence of sadness and darkness, but the kind of happy that exists despite circumstances and other feelings. This is found through Jesus Christ, the Savior of all the World and of each individual's world. I want my will to be his. I want to follow him.
I want to take risks and be more brave. As you probably know if you've ever interacted with me for a longish period of time I am rather shy and would rather just do what I can do well instead of do something else badly. My friend Xavier said the other day that it doesn't matter if you do something well, but rather if you try at all. I'm going to take that to heart. I will take the initiative to help others who could benefit from me. I will do extremely embarrassing things when the situation calls for it, even if that means people thinking I am silly. I will laugh. I will be more open. I will be more confident. I don't mean I will have some sort of unfounded belief that everybody I meet will like me for who I am. I know that that is wrong, because I have had people not like me. By 'confidence' I mean the ability to be who I need to be, regardless of how this will affect people's opinions. I get really hung up on what people think. I want them to see me as a graceful, elegant, accomplished woman who doesn't make a fool of herself, but that is harmful in many ways as well as simply being false. I don't ever want anybody idolizing me or seeing me as above them. I want to make mistakes every day, not to be mediocre, but to prove that I am trying and that this failure is just another rock on the path to being extraordinary. Anybody who looks completely put together is somebody who isn't pushing themselves to try new things.
I will be more gracious. I've been having problems with forgiving people and being as tender as I should be, but that is not who I want to be. I want to be a reflection of Christ, even if it is somewhat cloudy at times.
I have great hopes for my sixteenth year of life. Two years until I will be graduated from high school, if everything goes as planned. Three years until college. From there I go to the rest of my life. It's a time to start accepting that I am in fact becoming an adult and to be ready to actually make a contribution instead of just being there. This is going to be great. I look forward to seeing what I make of it.
I just want to be happier as a 16 year-old. Not the kind of happy that denies the presence of sadness and darkness, but the kind of happy that exists despite circumstances and other feelings. This is found through Jesus Christ, the Savior of all the World and of each individual's world. I want my will to be his. I want to follow him.
I want to take risks and be more brave. As you probably know if you've ever interacted with me for a longish period of time I am rather shy and would rather just do what I can do well instead of do something else badly. My friend Xavier said the other day that it doesn't matter if you do something well, but rather if you try at all. I'm going to take that to heart. I will take the initiative to help others who could benefit from me. I will do extremely embarrassing things when the situation calls for it, even if that means people thinking I am silly. I will laugh. I will be more open. I will be more confident. I don't mean I will have some sort of unfounded belief that everybody I meet will like me for who I am. I know that that is wrong, because I have had people not like me. By 'confidence' I mean the ability to be who I need to be, regardless of how this will affect people's opinions. I get really hung up on what people think. I want them to see me as a graceful, elegant, accomplished woman who doesn't make a fool of herself, but that is harmful in many ways as well as simply being false. I don't ever want anybody idolizing me or seeing me as above them. I want to make mistakes every day, not to be mediocre, but to prove that I am trying and that this failure is just another rock on the path to being extraordinary. Anybody who looks completely put together is somebody who isn't pushing themselves to try new things.
I will be more gracious. I've been having problems with forgiving people and being as tender as I should be, but that is not who I want to be. I want to be a reflection of Christ, even if it is somewhat cloudy at times.
I have great hopes for my sixteenth year of life. Two years until I will be graduated from high school, if everything goes as planned. Three years until college. From there I go to the rest of my life. It's a time to start accepting that I am in fact becoming an adult and to be ready to actually make a contribution instead of just being there. This is going to be great. I look forward to seeing what I make of it.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
You know those days when everything goes right, but you're still just angry? I've been having one of those. Yeah... It is not at all fun. I despise it.
But you know what? It is absolutely my choice. I can fix it somehow, I know I can. I don't even have any really good reason to. I mean, it's a great excuse to mope around in my room listening to My Chemical Romance and that's nice sometimes. But what do I really gain from being angry? Damaged relationships, inability to focus, duller spirit, and general unhappiness? I could do without, thank you.
So, I will fix this. It's going to be so much better. This is my last week of being fifteen, and I want to end with an increased self-awareness and an ability to be in tune with myself and the Spirit enough to tell when I'm going down negative paths and stop right then. It will be an interesting experiment.
But you know what? It is absolutely my choice. I can fix it somehow, I know I can. I don't even have any really good reason to. I mean, it's a great excuse to mope around in my room listening to My Chemical Romance and that's nice sometimes. But what do I really gain from being angry? Damaged relationships, inability to focus, duller spirit, and general unhappiness? I could do without, thank you.
So, I will fix this. It's going to be so much better. This is my last week of being fifteen, and I want to end with an increased self-awareness and an ability to be in tune with myself and the Spirit enough to tell when I'm going down negative paths and stop right then. It will be an interesting experiment.
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