Sixteen

I had a birthday yesterday, and have since been thinking about what I want to do with myself. Some people use January 1st as a day to realign their lives and evaluate their past, but I personally find birthdays to be better for that. So, their January 1st is my January 11th.
I just want to be happier as a 16 year-old. Not the kind of happy that denies the presence of sadness and darkness, but the kind of happy that exists despite circumstances and other feelings. This is found through Jesus Christ, the Savior of all the World and of each individual's world. I want my will to be his. I want to follow him.
I want to take risks and be more brave. As you probably know if you've ever interacted with me for a longish period of time I am rather shy and would rather just do what I can do well instead of do something else badly. My friend Xavier said the other day that it doesn't matter if you do something well, but rather if you try at all. I'm going to take that to heart. I will take the initiative to help others who could benefit from me. I will do extremely embarrassing things when the situation calls for it, even if that means people thinking I am silly. I will laugh. I will be more open. I will be more confident. I don't mean I will have some sort of unfounded belief that everybody I meet will like me for who I am. I know that that is wrong, because I have had people not like me. By 'confidence' I mean the ability to be who I need to be, regardless of how this will affect people's opinions. I get really hung up on what people think. I want them to see me as a graceful, elegant, accomplished woman who doesn't make a fool of herself, but that is harmful in many ways as well as simply being false. I don't ever want anybody idolizing me or seeing me as above them. I want to make mistakes every day, not to be mediocre, but to prove that I am trying and that this failure is just another rock on the path to being extraordinary. Anybody who looks completely put together is somebody who isn't pushing themselves to try new things.
I will be more gracious. I've been having problems with forgiving people and being as tender as I should be, but that is not who I want to be. I want to be a reflection of Christ, even if it is somewhat cloudy at times.
I have great hopes for my sixteenth year of life. Two years until I will be graduated from high school, if everything goes as planned. Three years until college. From there I go to the rest of my life. It's a time to start accepting that I am in fact becoming an adult and to be ready to actually make a contribution instead of just being there. This is going to be great. I look forward to seeing what I make of it.