Light

Darkness is simple. It is the absence of light, not some evil to be feared. But when we are kept in it, it becomes something that is fear itself.
I thought that I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore. And I was right in a sense, because I don't fear the same things that I used to, like goblins and other monsters. But now I have an irrational emotional reaction.
Darkness is stifling. It feels all-encompassing and eternal. It disables, depresses, and suffocates us in the feeling of being lost.

But there is a solution: look towards the light. The solution to spiritual darkness is the same. We look towards the light of Christ.

 "Yes, from time to time our lives may seem to be touched by, or even wrapped in, darkness. Sometimes the night that surrounds us will appear oppressive, disheartening, and frightening.

My heart grieves for the many sorrows some of you face, for the painful loneliness and wearisome fears you may be experiencing.

Nevertheless, I bear witness that our living hope is in Christ Jesus! He is the true, pure, and powerful entrance to divine enlightenment.

I testify that with Christ, darkness cannot succeed. Darkness will not gain victory over the light of Christ.

I bear witness that darkness cannot stand before the brilliant light of the Son of the living God!"

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"That They Might Be Convinced"

I think I found part of why I need to be here on the earth. Yeah, that's a big topic and a large statement. But it's true.
Alma 23 is about the sons of Mosiah. The first few verses outline how the king of the Lamanites ordered that they might safely preach. Verse 3 describes part of why they preach, and the part that specifically speaks ot me is this:
"...that they might be convinced that they were all brethren, and that they ought not to murder, nor to plunder, nor to steal, nor to commit adultery, nor to commit any manner of wickedness."
Now, there are a lot of things that I feel are part of my mission. Scatter sunshine. Create beauty. Comfort the weary. This verse adds to this list.
I want to teach the gospel. I want to teach love. I want to teach how to be happy.

Quiet Acts of Service

I have been trying to finish Personal Progress by November 23rd, and as part of this I just finished Good Works #1. (In case you don't know, Personal Progress is a program for LDS young women designed to help come unto Christ. To learn more, go here: https://www.lds.org/young-women/personal-progress?lang=eng )

Anyway, this particular experience started with reading a few scriptures and then says, "For two weeks record in your journal the quiet acts of service your family members and others perform. Acknowledge their service in some meaningful way.". Nothing that I have written was extraordinary, but I find it so beautiful that people serve others every day. There were many more acts that I could have written down, but remembering to do that is very difficult. Here is my list:
Mom took my brother out for some quality time.
Eli picked up some garbage that the dog dug up.
Grandma let me practice on her piano.
Ethan loaned me his quote book.
My teacher picked up a pen that one of the students dropped.
Caitlyn picked a song for the student who had devotional and didn't want to pick one.
Caitlyn came to hang out with me at a YW activity when everybody else was doing other stuff.
A leader talked to me.
Dallin told me to have a wonderful night when I was feeling down.
Sam held a door.
Erik helped me make dinner.
Eli made my family popcorn.
Mom took me to the library to hang out.
Dallin listens.
Mom gets up early to drive us to seminary, when she doesn't have to.
Erik got me a glass of water.
Jace let me color with him.
Susie gave me some oranges.
Julie came to work for Grandma.
Erik let the baby lay down in his seat.
Kelsey gave Mom a break by taking the baby for a while.
Mom babysits the baby every day.
Susie took me to the musical at our high school.
Nik bought Eli an Italian soda.
Eli and Raven brought in wood for Grandma.
Dad took the baby so Mom could eat breakfast.
Mom let Eli drive.
Eli took time out of his day to listen to something I wanted to show him.
Mom took Kelsey out.
Dad helped me with remembering how to do percentages.
My friend gave her bedroom away so her uncle could stay.
My friend's dad broke the pattern of how he drops people off after seminary in order to get my friend home on time to get to school.
My seminary teacher answered our really weird questions, like "are there going to be dinosaurs in heaven".
Ethan picked up the die our group dropped.
Mom gave me hugs.

Baby Mine

Recently I watched Dumbo. I do not know why I haven't done this more often, since it has the cutest elephant ever created and makes me happy (in some parts). There are so many things I want to write about it here, but I am going to try to focus on just one thing.
In case you don't know, Dumbo is a baby elephant with enormous ears. All of the other elephants (except his mother, Mrs. Jumbo) make fun of him for this. His mother gets locked up in a box all by herself. He's having a very sad life.
Partway through the movie Dumbo is feeling really down and goes to see his mother. She sings this song to him:

"Baby mine, don't you cry.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart,
Never to part, baby of mine.

Little one, when you play,
Pay no heed what they say.
Let those eyes sparkle and shine,
Never a tear, baby of mine.

From your head to your toes,
You're not much, goodness knows.
You are so precious to me,
Sweet as can be, baby of mine."

This love reminds me of Jesus on the cross, instructing John to take care of Mary. This is true love.

The Greatest Commandments

Recently I attended an event where a group of friends and I got together to hang out for a couple of days. It was fun for the most part, but at night time when I went to bed, I felt deeply lonely. It wasn't just that I had gone to bed before anybody else, and was actually alone. I can handle being alone just fine, and usually love it. I just can't handle feeling lonely.
So I opened my scriptures. I found Matthew 22:36-40, which reads

  Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

 This is the first and great commandment.

 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Then I realized something. If God loves us, everything he asks of us is meant to make us happy. And if these two commandments are the greatest things he asks us to live by, they will make us the happiest.

I still felt lonely afterwards, but it wasn't nearly as bad, because I had a solution. That solution is love.

Created in His Image

I love receiving and giving letters. To me, seeing a person's handwriting is like seeing a piece of who they really are. I was communicating this to my Father in Heaven one day last week, and I felt him telling me that there was a way to see his handwriting, too.
It is in the trees. It is in how moonlight reflects on the water. But mostly, it is in us, his sons and daughters, who are created in his image, that he communicates himself.
We each have a piece of him in us. We have pieces of his soul. We are his.

Birthdays

I am fifteen. Like it usually does, my birthday has reminded me of how strange the passing of years is (as well as how loved I am and how much love I have). Every year I expect that I will magically be stronger, wiser, and generally better due to the fact that I'm a year older. Then I discover that nothing has changed suddenly.
Rather, I have changed by degrees so small that I myself don't even notice until a few years later. The change from twelve to thirteen, thirteen to fourteen, and now fourteen to fifteen has been marked only by my anticipation of the number that now defines how long I have lived on this earth. I have been much the same from the 10th of January to the 11th. But I am not the same person I was three years ago. If that person and who I am today were put together side by side, they wouldn't be recognizable as the same person (save by physical appearance).
So, all I can do is realize that wisdom is not marked by how much time passes by, but rather by what we do with that time in making ourselves better. And wait for my sixteenth birthday, when I will obviously be so much wiser, because who isn't when they turn sixteen.